As someone who loves a person in the military, you always hear about the knock. I didn't get a knock. I am finally starting to remember what happened, so here goes.
The last time I talked to Steve was the day that he died. It was earlier in the day, sometime in the afternoon. I went to a local resort that does a gingerbread house display with my mom and brother. While I was there Steve called me. He wanted to get the information he needed to do all of the "new military wife" paperwork. His last day he was taking care of me. I think we were doing Christmas shopping, and I was texting Steve the whole time.
Steve was talking about how he wanted more guns, and I told him one gun for each baby he gave me. He didn't find that as hilarious as I did. Then we talked a little bit about him going to Korea, and that was it.
I went out to dinner with my family, and then my parents went to the mall while my brother and I went to Target. I wanted to get wrapping paper for Christmas. When I missed the first call, I think I was looking at the bedding, thinking that I had to ask Steve what size bed we should get. I checked my phone and noticed that I missed two calls and had a message. I knew it was a Minot number, which scared me a little, but I didn't really think about it. The message was someone from the base police. Stupid me, I just figure Steve did something dumb and got arrested. If only. All he said was that it was an emergency. I called him back (still in Target of course), and he told me that Steve had been shot in the stomach by accident.
I felt sick.
I had a meltdown in the parking lot, which scared the shit out of my brother, and he called my parents to come. In the parking lot and on the way home we called Steve's family. All we knew was that he was shot in the stomach and he was ok.
After freaking out a little bit, I started to feel ok. I was SO sure that he would be ok. Stomach? Not a huge deal. He's a tough guy, he's in shape, no big deal.
I've been trying to finish this for about three days, and I can't. So I guess I'll give you the rest of it later. Not that we don't know how it ends.
Oh sweetie, this makes me feel sick just reading what happened and imagining how you must have felt, the thoughts going through your head...
ReplyDeleteAs for the memorial, email me the details, and I'll request it off of work. I would LOVE to meet you, even if it is under such horrible circumstances.
Hi sweetie, I am sorry things didn't go as you might have planned. I think you are doing a wonderful job at taking your time in figuring out your feelings. I left you an award on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI know we don't know each other and I'm new to following your blog but I wish I could give you a hug. I wish I knew what to say, but I don't. You will be in my thoughts though. Thank you for sharing something so raw and in response to another post, I think you should call yourself an AF wife as long as you feel like one because you are.
ReplyDeleteI think it is awesome that you are writing about this...in your own time. Keep it up, get it all out as you need or want to - I really hope writing helps in some way, even if only a little bit.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetheart... I ache for you right now. I know that you are full of raw emotions.. I know that there are NO words to make you feel better. Just know that there are many military spouses that are all sending their love to you. Sometimes you can meet fantastic women thru blogging. I've met several that I would have never met otherwise, and the live in the same town! I'm sending love to you and prayers for you. *hug*
ReplyDeleteOh hunny. My heart is aching for you. Know that you can contact me anytime (mrsmuffinsblog@gmail.com) and I'll help you any way you can, even if you just need someone to yell at. You're in my prayers. Lots of love <3
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, and this is my first time visiting your blog. Someone linked to your story on Twitter and my heart broke for you instantly. I am a Navy wife and I can't begin to think how you must be feeling right now. Please know that you have a support system here because you will ALWAYS be a military wife. I encourage you to keep writing. It can be like therapy at times. Feel free to email me at any time. (peggyanndesign AT gmail DOT com)
ReplyDeleteCaitlin, my heart goes out to you and your family. I linked to you through Hannah. I am not a military wife, but the best friend of an Army officer in Afganistan. I hope you can find peace one day. I know it will take some time, but peace is what I wish for you. Big hugs. Beth
ReplyDeleteCaitlin: I am so profoundly sorry for your loss. I want you to know that every milspouse shares in your grief and that we love you as a sister and a friend. I know there are no words to ease the pain, but I hope you know that we all will support you everyday in any way we can.
ReplyDeletehttp://smurfette-smurfouflagecafe.blogspot.com/2011/01/januarys-phoenix.html
Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine the pain and loss your are experiencing now. You have the support and love of so many milspouses. You and your family are in my prayers.
Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteNo matter your age or the length of time you were married, you aren't in this alone. It may sound trite, but there is a whole lot of us in blogger world ready to help you deal with this. You are a sister to us. I am so sorry for your loss and pain.
Hi Caitlin!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to give you a virtual hug. *Hug* I'm not very good with finding the right words at the right moment, but I wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts. Right now, you're in the whole mil-spouse blog world's thoughts. You're one of our sisters, so if you ever need anything, you just have to ask.
My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.
ReplyDeletePeace to you.
Hi Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteI hope you know you have lots of love and support from the military community. I am a newlywed Army wife myself and can't imagine the difficulty and pain you are going through.
Although we have never met, I love you as a sister and I hope you know you will be in my prayers. Please don't hesitate to contact any of us if you need someone.
Dear Caitlin, Your tragedy is something no one should ever have to experience. I hope you find the strength to find your way through the senselessness of it all. You are in all of our thoughts, hearts, and prayers. *hug*
ReplyDeletelinked through {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife
This breaks my heart. Words will not ease your pain. Losing anyone hurts, but losing your best friend.. your soul mate... I wish I had something to say that would comfort you. I am praying that God will put his arms around you and let you know that everything WILL be okay..
ReplyDeleteWe are all praying for you girl ♥ Big HUG!
My thoughts are with you. I hope you find some peace in your wonderful memories.
ReplyDelete