12/15/10

I am so in love with you.

What I want.

I want my husband back.

Perfect

This was the most perfect day of my entire life. I'm so thankful.

The One I Fell in Love With

Look at this guy.

This was his 'uniform'.

He spends his days doing this...

Maybe even a little of this...

There was always time for this.

This was as complicated as his days got.

I really miss this.

What I would give to see this guy every day.

I was talking to a friend the other day about how different things were in high school. I just got to thinking about the things I miss about Steve. I miss that he was so carefree. Everything was all about fun. He didn't need to stress about money. He worked, but only enough to get by. His days were about fun. We could spend an entire day doing nothing. Or we could do everything.

I think maybe that is the best way to fall in love. When you don't have the hard things to bother you, everything is good.

Anyway, so I was thinking about how good it would be if things were back like that. How awesome would it be if Steve were home? It would be so cool if he got to go skating with his friends all the time. He could have a regular job, a regular life.

That would be perfect, right?

But then I really started thinking about it, and I realized that I wouldn't want it any other way.

I couldn't see Steve spending his life in a place like this. He's so much more.

The love of my life is meant to be in the military, and I wouldn't ask for anything else.

L is for the way you look at me...

Things I plan to post about: my anxiety and my graduation. I need an upper post right now, and I don't have my graduation pictures yet. So here's a mushy post.

*disclaimer* This is super sappy. If you don't like that, or it makes you gag, that sucks.


One of the things I really love about Steve is how he knows everything. There is rarely a time that he can't answer a question I have. He knows everything about cars. He knows random facts. He knows a lot about history. I think he really loves learning things. He watches the History Channel, and How Things Are Made, all of that. And then he remembers everything he saw. When he left for boot camp, I had to return a library book for him. It was about relativity. He got it because he thought it looked interesting.

The other day I told him that I missed that, and then asked him a string of the most ridiculous questions. He laughed, called me cute, and then answered all of them.

I guess one of the reasons I love it so much is because it's part of the reason I know he can take care of me. I grew up with my dad as the main example of what a husband should be, and it definately formed what I expect a man to be. My dad was always the one doing "man jobs", and I always wanted someone who can do that too. Someone who can build things, do the yardwork, fix the car, all of that. It isn't just about doing stuff either. A lot of it is the mindset that he has. He's a provider. He takes care of people. He's a problem fixer.

Yeah, I love Steve a lot.

I wrote this letter to him 2/13/2009
Steve-

I just thought this would be a pretty good time to tell you just how amazing you are. You see, when say things like no one is cooler than you, I'm completely serious. You are the greatest person I've ever known and I can't imagine how empty my life would be without you in it. I love you so much.
I'm so proud of you for what you have done. When you first told me you wanted to be in the military, I was shocked. I didn't think it fit you. Now, seeing you here, I was absolutely wrong. I'm so happy that you like it so much. I've never met anyone like you. You are good at every single thing you try.
Everything about you makes me so happy. Being here in Texas has made me realize how much I miss just holding your hand, kissing your cheek, and feeling your skin. No one else means what you do to me.
I'm so happy that I get to see you all day tomorrow. I hope the next two days don't fly by. I want to get all the time with you that I can.
I love you Steve. More than I've ever loved anyone.

Our Story Part II

See Our Story Part I

Anyway, it was getting to the point where I was ok being alone. I still missed him, but I could deal with it. We still talked all of the time and he was my best friend. Next thing I knew, it was time for me to graduate high school. His brother, Scott, and Lauren were my closest friends. We set it up so Lauren and (her now ex boyfriend, but still good friend) Dylan would walk together, and Scott and I would be right behind them. I got my dress, got my shoes, all of that. I was so excited to finally be done with high school!

So the day of my graduation was finally here! It was in a local hockey/event stadium, which was cool. I remember walking out, holding Scott's wrist with a death grip, since my heels kept slipping on the floor. I looked in the first row, and saw Steve, for the first time in 6 months. Oh my gosh. It all rushed right back, every feeling that I had held down. After graduation, Lauren was going to go to my house to get ready for the grad night party. We went outside to her car, and it was super cold and raining. We passed by Scott and Steve in the parking lot, and as I stood there shivering in my dress, I told Steve his jacket looked really warm. He said, "Yeah, it is." and walked away. What a charmer.

So eventually it worked out (I think it was Lauren's doing) that Steve went to our grad night party. I knew right thten that we would end up together again. We stayed at the party until it ended, at 3am. I'll just say, I have no interest in hypnotists. But I sure stayed and watched. After the party, me, Steve, and Lauren went to Denny's, until finally going home at about 4 or 5 in the morning.

The next day, we made plans to hang out soon.

So once we finally fit our plans together to hang out, I went over to his house, and I brought Juno and The Notebook. We ended up watching The Notebook, then Juno, and then A Goofy movie. Being me, I started a tickle fight, which resulted in us wrestling all over the bed. Eventually, I got him pinned, we had a movie-worthy-moment of eye contact, and then he leaned up an kissed me. That kiss changed my life.

Our relationship started out slow, but once it started to get serious, it took off from there.

The Dating Game

When I was in 6th grade I moved from AZ to MT. My dad’s family was in MT, but I didn’t know anyone there my age. I started school in the middle of the school year. They “assigned” me to another girl, so I would have someone to show me around, help me meet people, and all of that. Anyway, I quickly became friends with her friends, and a few of them decided that I should have a boyfriend, since I hadn’t had one before. Since this was the world of complex dating, they picked the guy for me, only wanting to know if I thought he was cute. His name was Garrett, he was super cute, and one of the most popular guys in our grade. I would stand by the field during lunch while he played football, and then he’d call me every night. Big romance, I know.




So, three weeks later, I’m informed by two girls that he’s breaking up with me. This was right before Christmas break. That night I told my mom I had a boyfriend and needed to get him a Christmas present. I got him a box of chocolates, and gave it to him the next day in PE, saying that I already had it, so I figured I would give it to him.



Yeah, I was smooth.

Something I needed.

These are the times I live for. These are from last May. I left my laptop charger at school, so I'm on my parents' computer. By chance I looked through the pictures and found these.

I needed this today. I can't wait until the day we can fall asleep with eachother whenever we want.

Oh, and happy 1 year out of boot camp to Steve today. :P

Our Story Part I

My sophomore year of high school, I wasn't the greatest kid. I didn't do anything too horrible, but it mostly stemmed from the people I was hanging out with. These were the people I had been friends with since middle school, and it was just a given that I woud hang out with them. I always had high morals and high standards, but I seemed to let these slip a bit, and stayed friends with people who weren't the most awesome for my well being. Anyway, it got to the point where I got sick of it all. A friend said that I either pretend her drug use was ok, or we wouldn't be friends.

I don't do ultimatums.
This was about the end of my sophomore year, and by the time I started junior year, I really didn't have any friends. Almost every day, I would eat lunch in my favorite teacher's classroom. It was pretty pathetic. I've always been a very social person, so despite being sick of people's crap, I was really missing having friends. So one day during my lunch hour a saw an old friend of mine, Scott, and decided to have lunch with him. I'd hung out with him a few times before, but I never really thought much of it. In the next few months though, we became very close. I had lunch with him and his friends every day, I was invited when they did things after school, it was like I had been a part of the group the whole time. I'd met most of them before: Dylan, his girlfriend Lauren, and a few others. Scott's brother, however, I'd never met.

Now, I would like to say it was love at first sight, that I was immediately drawn to him, and all that stuff. That wasn't the case though. He was just a really nice guy, that was all.

Honestly, it took him getting a haircut. Steve had shaggy hair, which was sort of fitting with his skateboarder style. One day, though, he cut it off. Yes. I will admit it. I didn't really notice him until he cut his hair.

Ok. I have to admit it. I almost dated Steve’s brother, Scott. I’d always been friends with him, and we had a lot of fun together. As it got closer to us actually dating though, I began to realize that I couldn’t ever be his girlfriend. He was different. He used baby talk to me. It was horrible. Amazing friend? Absolutely. I still consider him a really good friend. Also, I sort of realized I liked his brother, a lot more than as just a friend.
So I became more and more aware of the fact that I was really interested in Steve. He was cute, funny, sweet, and seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that I thought all of that. Then the big high school dilemma- prom was coming up. It was pretty much a given among our friends that Steve would ask me. It got closer and closer to prom and he still didn’t ask me. He was even considering asking another friend of ours. So finally, I took it into my own hands and asked him. I was giving him a ride downtown, and as he was getting out of the car, I said, “So, we’re going to prom together, right?”

He was like “…Um, yeah.” Then he hugged me and left. I was so excited! So we made plans to double date with our friends Dylan and Lauren. I bought my dress, my shoes, and my jewelry. He rented his tux, and even asked me to stop buy to pick the color of his tie to match my dress. The night of prom came, and we all agreed to meet up at Lauren’s house to take pictures. When my parents were trying to get pictures of Steve and I, we were so awkward with each other! We could hardly touch. Looking back, it is the funniest thing. I mean now, we’re 100% comfortable with each other. Maybe even more.

After prom, things started to tense up. Basically, everyone was waiting for him to ask me out. It took our friend Lauren saying that yes, I did want to be his girlfriend; yes I would go out with him. Finally, in May, he got in my car and asked for a ride to his brother’s car, which was parked right down the road. I figured something was up, and finally, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes, we hugged, and he went home.

That’s how you date in high school, by the way.

Our relationship in high school was a lot of fun. Our good friends Lauren and Dylan were also dating, so the group of us would go out to movies or go bowling. I think we both knew that it was more than just a high school thing. It didn’t take long for me to know that I loved him. I haven’t stopped since.

So anyway, things were going good. We were goofy kids in love. Our senior year started, and it was going to be the best year. Then, Steve decided to drop out of school. He was planning on joining the Air Force, and wanted to get his GED and join as soon as he could. This was a big deal to me. We ended up not seeing each other as much, and because of this, Steve decided to end our relationship. I thought it was the worst thing that would ever happen. Maybe I was a little dramatic, but it was horrible.

I spent the next few months in a daze. I just felt like my life wasn’t right without him. We kept talking on myspace, but didn’t see each other. We fought a lot. We talked about our relationship. We were friends, but there was still something there. We talked about getting back together. We talked about hanging out. We’d end up fighting again though. I always wanted to be with him. There wasn't ever a time when I was "over it". I just felt more at ease. I think in the back of my mind I always knew it would work out.

The things I like (the physical version)

• I love how his hair feels after it has been cut. That whole buzz-cut, soft, clean feeling.


• I love cutting his hair. It feels intimate for some reason. Plus, then I get to touch his fresh-cut hair.

• He as these weird tiny bumps on the back of his ears. It must be a little piece of cartilage, but it is on both sides. Weird.

• I think it’s funny that he has a uni-brow, and happy that he lets me pluck it. I also like that when I’m not with him, he cares enough to pluck it himself.

• His eyes are the most gorgeous color. I love dark eyes. Their kind of a golden brown though, so I have a teeny tiny hope that we’ll have a kid that gets my green eyes.

• I like his nose. It’s just… manly to me. It fits his face.

• I like how stretchy his cheeks are.

• I love his lips. I love kissing him.

• He has perfect, gorgeous teeth. I like teeth, and his are the best. He has a dentist tell him they were the most perfect he’d seen.

• I like that when he’s not working, he doesn’t shave.

• I love the softness of his neck. I love kissing the dip of his collar bones

• His shoulders, arms, and back amaze me. Hot. That’s all I can say.

• The scars on his elbows remind me of high school and him skate boarding.

• His hands are so much bigger than mine. It makes me feel small and girly.

• I love how soft his skin is.

• His hips. I love them. I don’t know why.

• I love his weird knees. He messed them up pretty bad skateboarding, and it sort of looks like he has 4 kneecaps.

• He has the nicest boy feet I’ve ever seen. They are huge. But they are soft, and not super hairy. I would hate to be grossed out by his feet.