January 13, 2011

I don't have words.

I've always felt my emotions pretty strongly. Not lately though.

I have never felt so numb. It's like my mind can't even start to understand. I don't think I really get that he's gone forever. It shouldn't be that hard to understand. I saw him. I touched him. There wasn't anything left. I KNOW he is dead. I've read stories about military wives/families who didn't get to see the body because it was beat up too bad. Or the ones where their plane crashes in the ocean and they never find the body. Those people, I can understand not fully believing their loved one is gone.

I should feel it more than this. I should get it.

I guess I just don't really understand death. I've never known anyone who has died, aside from people that I rarely ever saw. Not the one person who means the most. Not someone I talked to every day. Not my best friend.


I just don't get it. I haven't even begun to feel the pain. That I know for sure. I'm scared. I am terrified of how it will feel, but I'm ready. I need to start grieving. I need to feel a real emotion for more than five minutes.



I miss that goofy face.
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11 comments:

  1. Mrs. G.I. JoeJanuary 13, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    (((HUGS))) I don't even know what to say but you've been on my mind tons lately.

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  2. UnknownJanuary 13, 2011 at 12:26 PM

    I cant express how sad I am to hear you go through this. I really have no words and cant possibly understand but I know what pain and loss feels like and wouldnt wish it on anyone. I am here for you if you need to talk.. Dont know one another but you have shoulders to lean and cry on in the blog world.

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  3. SSJanuary 13, 2011 at 12:38 PM

    I come to your blog via {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife. I just wanted to offer condolences and prayers to you.

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  4. ReneeJanuary 13, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    Linked in to your blog from another blog. First, I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband and extend to you the most warm and comforting virtual hug that I can send.

    Death doesn't make sense and there is not a right way or right time to grieve. You can't grieve wrong - it will come in waves and ways that you can't imagine..you will never get over it but you will get through it.

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  5. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    I'm so sorry for you loss my dear. Words can not describe your feelings or emotions but it's true. You grieve the best you can and do whatever makes you feel better. We are all here for you if you need anything and I am sending my warmest hugs and prayers to you.

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  6. StephJanuary 13, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. There's not much else I can really say. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  7. MichelleJanuary 13, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and I have no idea what you are going through. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

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  8. EmmieJanuary 13, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    I know words may not help much, but I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers will be with you during these though times.

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  9. heatherJanuary 13, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. sending prayers your way.

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  10. MowenackieJanuary 13, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    I hope you are able to grieve and that it will eventually bring you comfort. I'm so sorry that this happened. Please know we are thinking of you.

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  11. Jenn MJanuary 13, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    I also came here via MisAdventures of an Army Wife. So sorry to hear of this tragic accident! Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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