I'm back

I've been gone for quite some time. I didn't really forget about my blog, I just wasn't sure what to put here. Obviously, I skipped over our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of Steve's death. I'm still not quite there yet. I think I'll just skip over December. It was... difficult. I'll talk about it sometime, but I'm easing myself back into blogging. I do want to do it soon though, at least just so I have it written down for myself.

On a happier note, I got to go up to ND again to visit everyone. It was a pretty fun trip, and it was nice to get away from everything. Oh, by the way, my store closed, so the day before I went to ND was my last day of work.

I went up for New Years, and amazingly, there wasn't snow on the ground up there. I told Sabs that it would snow when I was there, and what do you know, it started snowing as I got off the plane. No, really.

Here's the awesome 70+ degree weather I left:

And here's what I went to: 

I have more pictures, but they include drunkenness of many people, and that's just trouble!

The best.

There is nothing like a friend who won't get off the phone until you fall asleep, because they know how hard nighttime is for you.

There is nothing like a friend who you barely talked to two months ago, but now you can tell them anything.

There is nothing like a friend who reminds you so much of the greatest person you ever met.

There is nothing like a friend who threatens to tackle you if you drunkenly try to spoon their roommate.

There is nothing like a friend who makes you feel ok, when nothing is ok.



There is nothing like a friend who does all of those things, and asks for nothing in return.

Can't Follow the Rules [Day Three]

Day 03- A recent picture of you and your friends. And a truth- Something you have to forgive yourself for. 




I'm really bad at following directions, so instead I chose a picture from over two years ago. I just got my computer working again, so now I have access to all of my old pictures, and I found this one and it made me smile. This is me, Steve, and Lauren graduation night. This was a happy night. 

It's pretty hard to think of something I need to forgive myself for. I'm pretty good at letting things go, at least when it comes to things I do. I don't really regret much. I don't really think I can pick something. I'm pretty at peace with things I've done in my life. This seems like a bullshit answer, but I really can't think of anything. I am aware that this could be denial though. Just sayin'.

Making things right since she gave me my dream-guy...

I have this friend, Lauren.

 Hi, Lauren.

Anyway, I have a lot to thank Lauren for in my life. For example, she helped get Steve and I together. We went on double dates a lot. She was there when Steve and I were broken up. I'm pretty sure she was behind him going to our grad night party (that's where "we" started to be "we" again). She was always there for me to vent about school, Steve, family, anything. She went with me the day Steve left for bootcamp.

Ok, so those are all important things in a friend, but today she did something that pertains to this blog. I've been bouncing back and forth in my mind deciding how much to censor myself on my blog. I don't in 'real' life, I'm basically an open book, but I'm always convinced that my mom or someone I know will read it.

Today (ok, tonight, since its 2:30 am- wait, is that this morning then?), she told me I should write whatever I want. So starting now, I'm going to do that. I sort of started, with my post about my anxiety. But now I'm going to be open. I'll probably swear here or there, I'll talk about sex if I feel like it. I'll complain about whoever I want, even if they might be reading this blog.  I'm not going to be mean, or put people down, or disrespect someone's privacy I won't be dropping f-bombs every other word, or going into graphic detail, but I won't hold back from saying things like "Holy shit, I miss sleeping with my boyfriend." Oh my... that was refreshing.

I'm just to the point where I need to write about everything, and if it is something I'll talk about, why shouldn't I be able to post it on the internet where people I've never met might read it?



So again, thanks Lauren. Oh, and if you don't want to read a completely open, un-shy, every topic is discussed blog... blame her.

I just have to get over Steve's mom finding this and reading something about sex. Oh jeez.

Blogger is my therapy.

Here's an interesting read: Not even labor contractions could keep a woman from driving to meet her husband as the guardsman returned home from Iraq.

I keep thinking of things to write about, but none of them are sticking. Since today is Valentine's Day, I've been thinking a lot about all of the holidays that I've been without Steve. Two Christmases, two New Years, two Valentines, The Fourth of July, and many other little ones.

Since I've seen him?
158 days.
22 1/2 weeks.
6 months.
That's half a year. My goodness.

I've had all of this weighing down on me in the days leading up to today. I got a text from Steve just past midnight wishing me a happy Valentines Day, and saying that he loved me. Then, the first thing I saw when I got on the computer this morning, was an email from a fellow blogger. She just thought to send me an email because as a fellow mil-spouse, she knows what it is like to spend holidays apart. That really lifted my spirits.

It really reminded me of why I blog. It helps to get all of the feelings out, and it is so nice having a community of people that have been through what I'm going through. I've had a few friends who were mil-spouses, but they either moved to be with them or the relationships ended. A lot of people at school are sympathetic, but it doesn't mean as much when they don't know what it is like.

When I see how many other women do this, and do it with strength, it gives me hope. I want to be a strong person. I want to be successful, have hobbies, have friends. I want to be busy. I'm getting there.

Being with Steve is worth all of this. Even when I just get to see him for a week, it is worth every day of waiting. I think Mrs. G.I. Joe  says it the best in her post at ACU's, Stiletto Shoes, and Pretty Pink Tutus
"If he were only able to be home 1 single day a year for the rest of our lives I'd still be happier with him then I would be with anyone else. "

But I still can't wait to see him every day. To wake up next to him. To spend holidays together.

Oh school....

These are the people I spend just about every day with. Monday through Friday, 9 am to 4:30 pm. They are a little bit crazy. They can be a little bit annoying. They can be a hell of a lot of fun.


Oh how they make me crazy.

Ok, so I shouldn't have put this picture on here. We aren't supposed to have cameras in class. But this is the woman who gives me all my wisdom. :P A little bit of butt kissing can't hurt, huh?

It tends to come from me in the form of food. I made this cheesecake for my teacher's birthday. It was just as amazing as it looks. It has an Oreo crust, regular and fudge cheesecake, fudge, and Reeses cups. Yum. Yum.

Yum.

These two make my life great.

Here we have Natalie. You can't quite see here, but if you could see through the t-shirt, skin, muscles, uterus.... you would see Natalie. She's supposed to be born..... in less than a month!

Yep. That's about it for now.