We loved with a love that was more than a love.

I was looking at some of the stuff I had saved on my computer, and found the poem Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe.

....


And then I realized Steve's name fits nicely. I have too much time on my hands. And no, this is not meant to be serious at all.

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a dude there lived whom you may know By the name of STEVEN C; And this dude he lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and he was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Steven C; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted him and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Steven C; So that his highborn kinsman came And bore him away from me, To shut him up in a sepulchre In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in heaven, Went envying him and me- Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Steven C. But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we- Of many far wiser than we- And neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Steven C. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Steven C; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Steven C; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling- my darling- my life and I’m his bride, In the sepulchre there by the sea, In his tomb by the sounding sea.

Dr. LJ

So, I've had a Livejournal account since early high school. I never post in it, but I'm on it all the time reading communities. For those of you not familiar with LJ, these are basically different forums with certain interests or topics or whatever that you can join. I follow a few that are related to feminine-health things, and they are starting to really annoy me.


So here is some wisdom for the day. If you think you are pregnant, take a pregnancy test. If you haven't even missed your period yet, wait until your period. Maybe start worrying/getting anxious after you miss your period. Hell, even go to the doctor.

Posting on the internet asking a bunch of people if they think you are pregnant is stupid. They don't know. There are plenty of "pregnancy" symptoms that could be a bunch of different things. If  it is too early for a pregnancy test, the magical internet won't tell you either.


Oh, and if you are on BC, but missed a pill, AND used a condom, AND took Plan B, AND he pulled out, stop freaking out. Seriously.

Blogger Crisis.

I've having some doubts about my blog. There are a lot of things I LOVE about blogging. The main one is the mil-spouse community. It's nice having people who can relate to your problems.

The part that bugs me is that anyone can read it. Maybe I'll change it to being more private. I have that Google thing, where you can see how many people look at your blog on a daily basis. At first, it is pretty cool seeing how many people are reading what you talk about.
  
Right now though, it is tough. I'm putting out the most raw, honest, scary feelings that I have, and 38 people looked at it today. And a few from where I live, and where family lives. I don't know most of these people, and I'm sharing a lot with them. And then there are people who I DO know, or at least they know who I am, and they are silently reading.



I'm not sure if I can keep this, which sucks, because it really helps me work out my feelings.


*I do realize that all of this is part of blogging. Obviously, if you put things out there on the internet, people will find it. But that is part of my dilemma.

**EDIT**
Ok, so I have calmed down a bit since I wrote this. I thought about taking it down, but then I got pissed that I would have to censor myself, so I'm keeping it on here.

As of now, I'm keeping my blog, but I'm not going to be as completely open with everything. Maybe I will start a different blog for that, or do it on a different website. I definitely like being about to put my feelings out there, and it helps me feel better. I just might have to do it more anonymously.

Some people are still learning how to act in public.

Like I've said before, we don't have internet at home right now. Because of that, I've been going to the library a lot. Here are some rules that you should know before you go to the library. I thought they were givens, but apparently not.

1. You really don't need to SMASH the freaking keyboard to type. I promise the buttons work just as well when you just push on them.
2. It was very nice of you to put your cellphone on vibrate. But if you're going to be texting someone, which results in the phone vibrating every 2 minutes, keep it in your lap. If you can't handle that, at least pick it up after the first vibrate, not after a full minute of it vibrating. If I can hear it, but you can't, maybe you SHOULD keep it in your lap.
3. The concept of headphones is so you can listen to music, but other people can't hear it. This doesn't work if you turn the music up as loud as it will go. Really.
4. Get a freaking kleenex.

Women be Cray-Cray.

Alternative title- Bitches be Trippin.
Alternative title #2- Reasons Why I Hate Living in a Small Town/Where I Went to High School

Rant ahead.

So this involves a bit of a backstory.

My cousin is from California, but he goes to school here. His car got stolen, and the kid who took it drove it to San Diego. Everything is good with that now, but he was stuck here without a car, and had to be out of his dorms because the semester was over. My mom and I went to his dorm, got all of his stuff, and he stayed here for a few days until his mom came over to take him home. While he was here my sister and BIL came over, and we had tacos and margaritas. Good times. We ran out of ice, so my cousin, my sister, and I ran up to the store to get some. My sister stayed in the car. The girl who rang us up was a girl I knew from a distance, but I've never been friends with. We didn't really talk or anything, I didn't even know if she recognized me. This all sounds normal, right? How can this even go wrong?

Well today, she added Steve on Facebook. I had left a comment on his current status. Now, my picture is of me and Steve, so maybe that is what made her think of me? I don't know. Here's the conversation-

Girl from Store: hope u two arent still dating?


Steve: yep we sure are. is that ok with you? lol

Girl from Store: she came into my work with some dude. happy bday ha
 
 
Seriously? Let's go through this.
 
1. I might have male friends or family members. Steve is ok with it. I promise. And I might go out in public with them. UNSUPERVISED EVEN!
2. It is none of your business what goes on between us. We don't like you.
3. This is not a conversation to be had on a Facebook wall. Seriously.
4. If I WERE cheating and you had VALID REASON to believe that,  you don't tell someone on their birthday.
 
 
This isn't the first time we've had someone butt into our relationship.
 
Awhile back, Steve and I were at a really tough time in our relationship. A guy I talk to occasionally message me and said "So, I heard Steve did/said _______." I told him I knew that, but how did HE? He has never been friends with Steve.
 
This guy found out because he was reading all of his ex girlfriend's myspace messages, and Steve had talked to her about it. Wow, really? You're concerned about my relationship, when Steve and I are honest with each other, and you're going behind this poor girl's back to snoop on her?
 
 
And yet another example of the "girls and guys can't be friends" crap.
 
Steve has a cousin Arrick. He's the one who just went into the Navy and got married. He would hang out with me and Steve when they were both still here, and after Steve left I still hung out with him. Sometimes with his girlfriend, sometimes not because she was working. Well if she ever mentioned to her coworkers that we were hanging out, or we ever went into her work to say hi, her coworkers would freak out asking why that was ok with her, why we were hanging out etc.
 
They didn't shut up until she started referring to me as his cousin's wife. Are you people serious? It is obvious to everyone that Arrick is crazy about her. Aside from that, he's my boyfriend's cousin, that's low. Oh, and why would we go see her if there was anything going on?
 
Oh yeah, and it's none of your damn business.