And I thought I knew everything...

So I don’t usually talk about issues with Steve on here, but I had to get my feelings out.


Steve and I got in a fight tonight. I hate fighting with him so much. I don’t really enjoy fighting with anyone, but fighting with him really throws me off. No matter how ‘right’ I feel or how mad I am at him, I usually end up feeling bad.

Our conversation started really good. It was late, so he’s usually tired and quiet, but he was actually really talkative. Then a certain topic came up that I thought I knew everything about, but it turns out I didn’t. That irritated me, but wasn’t a huge deal. I just felt a little mislead. It wasn’t a SUPER important topic, but I still don’t like it when he lets me assume the wrong thing. Not only because I feel lied to, but because it makes me feel like he can’t trust me.

I try REALLY hard to not get too upset about things like this, because then it doesn’t get discussed. If I get too upset, he acts like I’m attacking him or something, and gets really defensive, then we start really fighting, and he ends up doing the whole, “Can we just stop talking about this? Let’s just drop it.” It’s his go-to response.

So I dropped it, even though I really didn’t want to. So we ended up talking about certain things from our pasts, before we knew each other. I asked him a question, and he said he didn’t want to answer it. That totally threw me off. Anyway, I don’t really want to get into the fight we had, but more about how it made me feel.

I hate to feel that Steve doesn’t want me to know something, or doesn’t trust me with something. I’ve never had to feel like that before. I know that he really does trust me. He’s told me things he couldn’t tell anyone else. He can talk to me about things he hasn’t talked to anyone else about.

He gets a little weird about his childhood though. I don’t get it, I don’t know if I ever will. I do think we should be able to talk about anything. I don’t expect him to give me a play-by-play of his entire life. But it really throws me off when he feels like he can’t tell me something. He said it was because it was something he doesn’t want people to know about. I get that. But he knows all my dirty little secrets. And I know plenty of not-so-great thing about him, and I’ve never judged him on it.

It was hard for me to get him to understand how I feel. I’m pretty sure he kept thinking that I just REALLY wanted to know about this certain thing. By the time we were that far into the conversation, it didn’t matter. I was still curious, but it was so far out of my mind.

And like usually in our fights, it stopped being about me being mad about him, and started being me feeling bad about things. I felt so sad that he would ever feel like he couldn’t trust me with something, or that I would judge him, or that I would make him feel bad. We worked it out, but it just gave me so many thoughts.

We’re getting better at fighting. Sounds like an odd thing to be happy about, but that’s how it is. I have to try to not get worked up, and he has to not get so offended so easily. But we are getting good at it. I have to remind him that we’re just talking, and to just listen to what I’m saying without getting worked up. And sometimes he has to tell me to not over talk things.

Mornings make me violent.

I seriously hate being woken up. And if I get woken up badly, it affects my entire day. My dad and brother should never wake me up. They are seriously bad at it. And usually if Steve calls me early in the morning, I don't wake up. Today, my phone was wedged between my bed and the wall, and so it made a TON of noise and woke me up. When it starts to get loud in my room, my bird starts making noise. It usually pisses me off, but I can just put a blanket over her cage and she'll shut up.

I don't know when it happend, but lately my mom is HORRIBLE at waking me up.

Telling me I have to get up in 20 minutes will piss me off. If I have 20 more minutes, why would you wake me up?

When you do wake me up, don't open the blinds and the window (which also makes a lot of noise), and uncover my bird. It takes me a few minutes to wake up. It happens.

If I wake up and there's less than one cup of coffee in the coffee maker, that is not a good start to the morning. I could make more, but then I'd have to share it with you. When I'm just woken up and super pissed, I don't want to do that. (This remind me of the time I was stuck in bed with the WORST CAFFEINE HEADACHE EVER and my mom wouldn't make coffee. Then, once I finally worked up the energy to do it, she said "Oh, make sure you make enough for me." Really? Really?!)

I would just like to point out that the whole time I went to school, it was the worst thing ever if I left without making more coffee. Even if there was like 2 cups in there. If it wasn't at least half a pot, I was the worst person in the world.

After waking me up like that, and not having coffee, don't immediately start talking about things I need to do that day. First, I'm well aware of the things I do EVERY Saturday. Second, I'm still waking up.


Also, it's really awesome when I have something to do that day, and my dad takes my car to work. I don't usually mind, but maybe ask me if I need it first? That would be awesome. Oh, and if you do take my car, make sure I know ahead of time so I can get the things I need out of it.

Like I said, the way I get woken up affects my entire day. So today I'm going to be a bitch. I have to go practice with my sister's work softball team, and now I don't want to. Even moreso since I need her to pick me up, and I have to go with her to get an oil change first.

I need to hit someone or throw something. Or have more freaking coffee.


Thank you blogger for letting me have a morning bitchfest. I'm going to go finish my single cup of coffee and finish waking up.

Weddings make me happy.

The wedding was a lot of fun! I stayed longer than I thought, because the pictures were outside and it was super windy. So I stuck around with my comb and hairspray. :) Doesn't this picture look like it's for a bridal magazine or something? I love it and can't wait to see the rest!

I don't know if it's cocky to say so, but oh well. I have no problem talking about my awesomeness. Her hair turned out gorgeous. I knew as this picture was taken that it would be one of my favorites. I had so much fun. Jaime is a really cool girl, and all of her friends and family were awesome as well. It was also fun working with the photographer, and we talked about me doing hair for her photo shoots in the future. I really liked the whole 'on set' thing.

I feel like i have more to say in this post, but I'm having a hard time forming sentances. My brain is frazzled.

I love May. [Things are starting to come back around!]

I love May. :)

Today is my first job doing hair for a wedding. I'm super excited. And nervous. I mean, this is WEDDING HAIR. Anyhoo...

Steve and I started dating in May the first time around.

Steve's birthday is in May.

We started dating in May the second time around.




Oh, did I mention?


I'M GOING TO SEE HIM NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I've waited so long to be able to say that. Wooooo! Yeah, I called him a few days ago to let him know I found a super cheap plane ticket, and now I'm going. I don't know the last time I saw him with more than a weeks notice. Last time it was less than 24 hours notice.

I might be the only person that gets this excited about a trip to Minot, ND. Yeah....


But I get 4ish days with my boyfriend. I'll get there Wed night, he gets a day off for his birthday, so we get all day Thursday, then Friday he gets off around 12, and then I leave Saturday night.

Man, this trip was so needed.

What goes around isn't coming around. [aka I'm an asshole.]

I'm in a crappy mood. I figured I'd show all sides of me here. So here's me angry, jealous, and resentful.



I'm so tired of everyone around me having everything they want. Obviously I don't know the bad in everyone's life, and I don't know what it's like being them, but I do see their good. I need to let this out, so don't judge me.

I feel like everyone around me has more "good" parts in their lives than I do, and their "good" parts are better than mine.

I hate that I can't be as happy for people as I should be. But sometimes I just don't want to hear everyone's good news. The best thing that has happend to me for a long time was graduating cosmo school and getting my license. I worked my ass off for that. I'm proud of it, but it's something I earned. I feel like I've had a huge lacking in the luck or karma department.


I hate that I feel like this. I actually considered not posting this, but I need to get it out there. I'm not usually a jealous person. It is such an alien feeling to me. I will be more happy for you than you are for yourself! I get SO excited when good things happen to the people I love. I just wish I could have some of that happiness for myself.

Lions, tigers, and bears!

So I spent Saturday at Out of Africa. It's a semi-local wildlife preserve. I grabbed the chunk below from the website.

"In addition to 40 big cats including lions, tigers and leopards, mountain lions, jaguar, you will see rhinoceros, bear, hyena, javelina, gemsbok, wolves, giraffe, wildebeest, sable, zebra, fallow deer, and more. Reptile houses are built into the side of the hills in the Wildlife Preserve. The Community Aviary is in the market place and home to over 100 mixed species of birds."

So this is where they have Tiger Splash. These people play with tigers and lions everyday. Oh yeah, totally normal to jump in a pool with a tiger chasing you!

Lovely day.

My family and I went to one of the lakes around here to barbeque today. I should get out like that more. Nature is good for me. :)

There was good food, baseball, football, a bit of a hike. Like I said, I should do things like this more.