The one who fixes everything.

This is the most amazing guy ever.

He's the only person that can always make me feel better.

He's a superhero.

Hazel, Hazelnut, Hazeltina

So, my dog died. When I was in 7th grade, we were living in Montana. It wasn't going great, because my dad was working for a cement company, and they didn't have a ton of work during the winter. He got a job offer from some friends of ours down here in AZ, so my parents decided to make the move. My dad came down here about three months before the rest of us. While he was down here he bought a puppy, a Queensland Heeler, and named her Hazel. She was this tiny cute little thing. Then she turned into a bigger cute thing, who would try to herd us when we went on walks.

The past few months she started getting really fat. We thought it was just because she was a pig, which maybe that was part of it. Then, the past few weeks it seemed like it was hard for her to walk. She couldn't get in my car, she tried jumping out of my parents truck and fell on her face. It was the saddest thing.

Then last night, she just wouldn't walk. We could tell the smallest movement just hurt so much. So we put her on their dogbed in the livingroom, and she laid there all night. My dad took her to the vet this morning. It turns out she had a tumor on her spleen or pancreas, I'm not sure which. I guess she had gotten so big because the tumor was causing internal bleeding. That's why it was so hard for her to move, she was just so weak. Because of everything, especially the pain she was in, my dad had her put to sleep.

She's the Heeler, with her face by my knee. Note how she matches Moses, her BFF/Hubby, the Basset at the top right.

It just breaks my heart. This wasn't anything we could have prevented. And the vet said that even if they had known, and removed the tumor, there was a 95% chance she would get another one that would have caused the same bleeding. The point she was at this morning, they could have given her pain pills, but by the end of the week she would be so dehydrated her organs would start shutting down, which is extremely painful.

Hazel was kind of stinky. She was hairy, and loved to get that hair all over my car. She was a food hog. She didn't have that great dog personality.

But I still liked her.

I don't know who I feel worse for- my dad, who is upset about it* or Hazel's 'husband', our Basset Hound.

*My dad doesn't get emotional. According to my mom though, he didn't take it too well.

I'm happy that she's not in pain though. It's like when a baby or little kid is really hurt. They don't understand what's happening. She just kept looking at us like she was wondering why we couldn't fix it.

Ugh. I don't want to cry about it again.

Write On! #1 [Once upon a time, I almost dated Steve's brother]

Today I'm participating in the first writing prompt by Tattoos and Teething Rings. I figured it would be a good way to keep me updating. I guess sometimes I like being told what to write about.

Well, my options are either "What is the worst date you've ever been on?" or "How did you meet your boyfriend?" Well, I already told mine and Steve's story (if you haven't read it, it's up in my pages), but I've also never really had a bad date. I went to the movies with my boyfriend in 7th grade, where his friend got us to kiss (for the first time, in front of his friend, really?). I met a guy on myspace and later went on a date with him, but that was a pretty cute date- Panda Express, ice cream, park. So, I've never really had a bad date.

So I guess I'll do the full story of how Steve and I met. I do have some pretty hilarious pictures of him from then... but they are on my broken phone. Damn.

I guess this is one of those stories that you have to just laugh about and be glad they had a good outcome.

So here's the story. It starts my freshman year. I was into the local band scene and would go to 'shows' all the time. (Shows=concerts, but you know... local bands) One of these was pretty shortly after I broke up with a boyfriend. I went out with my friends to get over it, or something, so there we were, hanging out on this hill outside, and Scott was there. Scott is Steve's brother, but at the time he was just a guy in the same group as me, who was also kind of friends with my sister. So we all decided to play spin the bottle (well, cellphone), and I ended up kissing Scott. Awkward. Later on in the night he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I declined. Oh, high school. Looking back, this is all so ridiculous to me. So after that, we were able to just be friends. It wasn't weird, and I never really thought much about it.

Fast forward to junior year. I was getting over my 'bad phase', and stopped hanging out with most of my friends. This meant that I pretty much didn't talk to anyone the first month or so of my junior year. Wow, I'm so cool. So, I got sick of it, and one day I saw Scott, and was hanging out with him and his friends every day after that. We became really good friends, and pretty soon people could tell we were interested in each other. It was pretty much a "when" rather than "if" we started dating.

I know, I'm embarrassed admitting it.

So, since this is high school, there has to be drama right? Of course right.

While I was becoming closer to Scott, I was also becoming really good friends with his ex-girlfriend, Mandi. Silly me thought this wouldn't be any problem. Long story short, when I started becoming un-interested in Scott, he blamed Mandi. I kind of flipped out on him, saying how it had nothing to do with Mandi, and how dare he talk to my friend that way, and that REALLY made me sure I didn't want to be with him.

Oy vey.

As I started losing interest in Scott, I started to notice his brother. I know... I couldn't go 5 seconds without wanting a guy. All the while my 'whatever' thing with Scott was developing, I started being friends with his brother Steve. Somehow, Steve was just Scott's brother. Woops, my mistake. Anyhow, I eventually became sane, and I've been in love with the guy ever since.

The good things that came out of this?

Well, Steve, obviously.

I gained an awesome friend, Lauren. (Another girlfriend of the group)

Scott and I stayed good friends.

The knowledge that Steve thinks I'm awesome enough to ignore that I kissed his brother... twice.

Yeah... I like to pretend that didn't happen.

My Cosmo School Graduation! [otherwise known as the day I ate confetti]

I got my graduation pictures today! My brother in law has a photography business, so he took pictures, edited them, and uploaded them to his website, so it took a bit for me to get them. I'm going to do a seperate post with the pictures I took with my teachers and friends. That one will be more of a 'my beauty school experience'. I can't corrupt my graduation post.

This is my station, decorated by my mom and sister (she's the one in the picture above).

Graduation station, graduation outfit.

I got to wear color, jeans, and opened toed shoes. Woo! By the way, the reason that is exciting is because our dresscode is black and white, closed shoes.

So anyway, graduations at my school aren't a huge deal. You get to get free services done, which is really nice. I got a manicure and pedicure, and then Stephanie styled my hair. I didn't really need anything else done, and I didn't want to pack too many things into my day.

This really isn't a great picture of any of us, but I still like it.

Aside from getting services done, you get to wear your graduation outfit a few hours before you graduate, then at the time of the graduation, you get called into the directors office.

They don't really do anything in there, but ask if you have any questions or need anything. While you're in there, everyone comes out from the classrooms and from doing clients and line up and start cheering, then you walk down the row of people, they cheer, there's usually cake. Not too much, but just graduating is enough.

Oh, did I mention that my mom brought TONS of confetti and silly string? Yeah.

Ok, so this isn't a great picture, but it's funny. This was me spitting out a mouthful of confetti. This stuff got everywhere. I'm pretty sure I ate some. It also stuck to my chest.

Oh, and one of my teachers thought it would be a good idea to shove some down my sister's shirt... I'm so proud of Bri for holding her composure. She just made threats later after we left.

Oh man. I did it. I graduated.

A lot of people were asking me all day if I was SOOOO excited, and of course I was, but I wasn't hyped up all day. It was just another day, except I was graduating. Well, it hit me a little harder when I was in the directors office. My heart was going a million miles an hour, I felt a little shaky. It was so good to finally know that I was done. I did what I've wanted to do for years.

And now I get to have a career that I love. Something that I went to school for, studied for, worked my ass off for.

There are a few more things I could include in the post. How I couldn't even get through my graduation day without people trying to start chick-drama. How my hours got messed up, so I had to stay an hour after my graduation.  Just little crappy things from the day, but those things don't matter, they aren't the things I want to remember about this.

Like I said in the beginning, I want to do a post about my experience in school, the people, all of that. But that is going to have the bad things as well as the good things, so I guess this is it for my graduation!

Making things right since she gave me my dream-guy...

I have this friend, Lauren.

 Hi, Lauren.

Anyway, I have a lot to thank Lauren for in my life. For example, she helped get Steve and I together. We went on double dates a lot. She was there when Steve and I were broken up. I'm pretty sure she was behind him going to our grad night party (that's where "we" started to be "we" again). She was always there for me to vent about school, Steve, family, anything. She went with me the day Steve left for bootcamp.

Ok, so those are all important things in a friend, but today she did something that pertains to this blog. I've been bouncing back and forth in my mind deciding how much to censor myself on my blog. I don't in 'real' life, I'm basically an open book, but I'm always convinced that my mom or someone I know will read it.

Today (ok, tonight, since its 2:30 am- wait, is that this morning then?), she told me I should write whatever I want. So starting now, I'm going to do that. I sort of started, with my post about my anxiety. But now I'm going to be open. I'll probably swear here or there, I'll talk about sex if I feel like it. I'll complain about whoever I want, even if they might be reading this blog.  I'm not going to be mean, or put people down, or disrespect someone's privacy I won't be dropping f-bombs every other word, or going into graphic detail, but I won't hold back from saying things like "Holy shit, I miss sleeping with my boyfriend." Oh my... that was refreshing.

I'm just to the point where I need to write about everything, and if it is something I'll talk about, why shouldn't I be able to post it on the internet where people I've never met might read it?



So again, thanks Lauren. Oh, and if you don't want to read a completely open, un-shy, every topic is discussed blog... blame her.

I just have to get over Steve's mom finding this and reading something about sex. Oh jeez.

The One I Fell in Love With

Look at this guy.

This was his 'uniform'.

He spends his days doing this...

Maybe even a little of this...

There was always time for this.

This was as complicated as his days got.

I really miss this.

What I would give to see this guy every day.

I was talking to a friend the other day about how different things were in high school. I just got to thinking about the things I miss about Steve. I miss that he was so carefree. Everything was all about fun. He didn't need to stress about money. He worked, but only enough to get by. His days were about fun. We could spend an entire day doing nothing. Or we could do everything.

I think maybe that is the best way to fall in love. When you don't have the hard things to bother you, everything is good.

Anyway, so I was thinking about how good it would be if things were back like that. How awesome would it be if Steve were home? It would be so cool if he got to go skating with his friends all the time. He could have a regular job, a regular life.

That would be perfect, right?

But then I really started thinking about it, and I realized that I wouldn't want it any other way.

I couldn't see Steve spending his life in a place like this. He's so much more.

The love of my life is meant to be in the military, and I wouldn't ask for anything else.

Thankful.

I really want to post something fun, or something about my day, but I can't really do that right now. Instead I'll tell you a story.

When I was in 8th grade, I thought it would be so cool to be in the army. Yeah, me of all people. This didn't last long, obviously. Anyway, there was a guy in one of my classes who also wanted to be in the army, and he was way into it. We talked a bit in high school as well, but weren't really close. The other day I was looking through facebook, finding people in my graduating class and saw him. For some reason, even though we hadn't talked for years, I added him. I looked at his page and didn't see anything military related, which I thought was a little weird, considering he'd always been so into it.

So today, about a week later, he added me back, so I figured I'd look at his page, see what he was up to. There were TONS of comments on his wall, people were saying they hoped he was doing ok and that he was in their prayers. It turns out that he is a Marine. He was in Afganistan, and just last week got hit by an IED. He lost one leg, and the other up to his knee.

This just breaks my heart. All this guy ever wanted was to serve his country. I remember him being big. Super tall, buff, confident. He played football, he always had something funny to say. I haven't talked to him about it, aside from a small comment on his facebook wall. But he was so thankful for all of the good thoughts from everyone.

It just made me think how much it would change everything if something like this happend to Steve. I really think it would break his spirit. It just hit me so hard to think of it like that.

I can honestly say I have no idea what a person is thinking when they join the military. I can't imagine doing it. I have nothing but respect for the people who volunteer to give up the lives they have to serve the country. My boyfriend did it, and I still don't understand it.

This guy is 19 years old. He spent his life waiting to serve is country, and he got to do it for such a short time. I can't imagine my dream being the thing that changed my life so much.