2010

So here are some of the things that I hope to accomplish this year:

1. Graduate cosmo school
2. Get my licsense in AZ
3. Move to ND
4. Get my license in ND
5. Stay organized
6. Find a job in a salon that I love



There are other things that I want to do, but they don't really go on my goal list. They are things that I can't just check off, they take a few more steps. I'm 19 years old. I have a lot of changes in my life. I feel like this is my year to really grow up. I've been in this limbo area of being a kid and being an adult for so long.

This is my year.

I'm going to be out of school. I'm going to start my career. Wow. This year, I'm going to be a cosmetologist. I'm going to work in a salon. I'm going to move out of state, by myself. Well, to Steve, but without my family.


I'm just excited about the changes that are coming.
I'm so ready.

Fa-la-la

Yay, Christmas! I'm so glad it is here! It was definately stressing me out, but it all ended up good. Spending time with family on days like this is the nicest thing.


So my entire childhood, we would always sleep on the floor in my parents' room Christmas Eve night. That way we couldn't sneak out to all of the presents without them. Over the years though, it became a tradition. Now, a thing about my sister, is that she can sleep in. It's a gift we all have. Every year though, on Christmas, my sister wakes up first. It's usually around 4 am. Then she would wake me up and get everyone going.

This year, we woke up at about 8:45. My sister doesn't live with us anymore. It was nice to sleep in. ;)

It was a nice morning. I got some awesome clippers, a few movies, some kitchen stuff. My brother made the cutest things. For me and my parents, he made picture things. Kind of like a scrapbooking page, but he made it so it hangs on the wall. Super cute. He also made coupons for my sister and her husband. I got my mom and gift certificate to my school for a day of pampering. My sister and her husband gave my parents a digital photo frame.


Anyway, we're watching the Goonies, so I'm losing my train of thought. So more later.

The things I like (the physical version)

• I love how his hair feels after it has been cut. That whole buzz-cut, soft, clean feeling.


• I love cutting his hair. It feels intimate for some reason. Plus, then I get to touch his fresh-cut hair.

• He as these weird tiny bumps on the back of his ears. It must be a little piece of cartilage, but it is on both sides. Weird.

• I think it’s funny that he has a uni-brow, and happy that he lets me pluck it. I also like that when I’m not with him, he cares enough to pluck it himself.

• His eyes are the most gorgeous color. I love dark eyes. Their kind of a golden brown though, so I have a teeny tiny hope that we’ll have a kid that gets my green eyes.

• I like his nose. It’s just… manly to me. It fits his face.

• I like how stretchy his cheeks are.

• I love his lips. I love kissing him.

• He has perfect, gorgeous teeth. I like teeth, and his are the best. He has a dentist tell him they were the most perfect he’d seen.

• I like that when he’s not working, he doesn’t shave.

• I love the softness of his neck. I love kissing the dip of his collar bones

• His shoulders, arms, and back amaze me. Hot. That’s all I can say.

• The scars on his elbows remind me of high school and him skate boarding.

• His hands are so much bigger than mine. It makes me feel small and girly.

• I love how soft his skin is.

• His hips. I love them. I don’t know why.

• I love his weird knees. He messed them up pretty bad skateboarding, and it sort of looks like he has 4 kneecaps.

• He has the nicest boy feet I’ve ever seen. They are huge. But they are soft, and not super hairy. I would hate to be grossed out by his feet.

Isn't too much to say.

I really don't have anything to say. My life has just been the same every day. I wake up, go to school, not much else.

I can't hold back anymore.

You know what? I have this blog so I can remember what went on in my life. I have this blog to talk about my thoughts. I have this blog because it's a way for me to be heard, but not by people I know.

That's one of the benefits of the internet. I can say whatever I want, and it won't effect my home life, because no one here reads this. I'm sick of showing only the good side.

Right now? My relationship sucks. It's terrible. I'm afraid. The military can kiss my butt. Oh... maybe that last part is a bit much. Still...

I hardly get to talk to Steve. He's having some sort of early-life breakdown. He hates where he's stationed. He hates being away from his family. He hates not getting to see his friends. He hates being away from me. He tells me that he barely feels like we're in a relationship. Do you know how much that kills me? I hate it.

It's sort of pathetic. Because I love him so much, I have  hard time caring about me right now. I just want to fix things for him. I want him to be happy. I feel like I'm more capable of dealing with this. For so long, it was the other way around. It's getting to him though. He's the kind of guy that hides it though. He had to get a new cell phone, and he only gave me the new number. Not his mom, not his brother, no one.  I think he feels like if he hides from the people who really know him, who love him, then he doesn't have to deal with how much this sucks. In a perfect world, I would be living up there with him. That was the original plan. Now, I have to wait until I finish school. Add to that that we're broke. Then he leaves for awhile in May.

I just hate that I can't fix things for him. I just want to make him happy. Him being happy makes me happy.



But on the other hand, that pisses me off. Why can't I pull my shit together and put my feelings first? Even when I'm feeling horrible emotionally, I call Steve. I talk to him. He just ignores me. Maybe the reason I don't talk about all of this is that I'm afraid people will tell me to give up. I can't do that though. That is not the solution.

I am a mess.

I go to school Monday through Friday, 9 to 4:30. So, every day of the week, I wake up anywhere between 7 and 8. Today? I woke up at 3:00. I wish I could say a.m. That would be pretty crappy, but better than the alternative.

No... today I didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon. I have no idea how this happened. It's now after 6 and I still haven't gotten dressed. I feel like crap.

Steve left a year ago tomorrow. I hate this. The Air Force is awesome. Really. I fully support what Steve does. I'm so proud of him. I love telling people that my boyfriend is in the military. I just wish that made it hurt less.

Home... yet not.

August 24, a few minutes before 1 in the afternoon, I got the most amazing text.

Steve was coming home! I couldn't believe it. He had asked the guys in charge (I really need to learn the terms) if he could take leave and they said yes. He only took the time to throw a few things in his backpack, and he was on the road. He drove straight through for 27 hours, only stopping to nap for about an hour. He's so crazy.

He thought he would get here mid afternoon. I spent the entire day at school waiting…

And waiting…

And waiting…

Anyway, he got here around 7 o'clock. It was so exciting

By the time he got here, he was so tired, he practically fell asleep at I-hop. He’s so adorable. The car he drove down, he bought up at the base, and it is his first car. It was weird to see him driving his own car! Add to that his ABU's and boots... I'm hopeless. He's adorable.

So he got here on Tuesday, and we spent the week just hanging out. Not doing much but being together. That weekend, we drove down to Tucson to visit his family. His mom, step dad, and sister live there. His dad drove over from New Mexico, which was really cool. The first day there, we went to the water park, and of course I got sunburned. Shocking? No.

We had a little dinner down there, with friends of his mom and step dad. It was pretty cool, because the guy was in the AF. I always find it so interesting talking to people that are in the military. They’d been through what Steve had been through. Their wives or girlfriends had been through the same as me. Anyway…

We didn’t do much while he was here. Mostly just hanging out. We did go on a date, and spent obscene amounts of money on sushi. Yum. We got so many different things. Steve loves sushi. I had never tried much, so it was fun to try new things. Squid… is strange.

We decided that I would drive up with him, and then fly home. Finally, we got to do a road trip. My grandparents, aunt’s, uncle, and cousin’s all live in Montana, so we decided to stop by there on the way up. It took us two days to get there. We went up through Utah and Idaho, and stopped in Idaho Falls the first night.

 

Here is Steve driving. This was about when I woke up. Do you see how bright it is outside? I sleep like a baby in the car.

Kanab UT

 

I swear, driving through Utah feels never ending. We made it through with a lot of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. My boyfriend really does love me. :)

When Steve is on vacation, he doesn't shave. I think it's funny. It's like the one time he can rebel from the Air Force. Shaving? Heck no! Take that military! What now??!!?

 

Here's Steve showing what a big tough man he is.

 

 

I'm not making fun of him... Not at all.

While we were in Montana, after lots of family time, we took an afternoon for me to show Steve around. I took hum to the Bitterroot River, which was freezing cold and gorgeous.

Then we went up to Missoula, and watched a minor league baseball game, walked around downtown, played on railroad tracks (no longer in use, don't worry), and just messed around.

Oh, and of course Steve found a skatepark.

So I realize that it is December. Yes, we did take this trip in early September. I am a slacker and I admit it. But I still am going to have to do a seperate post about the part of our trip after we left Hamilton on our way to North Dakota. It was a lot of fun, but that post will have a few more feelings involved. Because who else better to whine to than the internet?