Women be Cray-Cray.

Alternative title- Bitches be Trippin.
Alternative title #2- Reasons Why I Hate Living in a Small Town/Where I Went to High School

Rant ahead.

So this involves a bit of a backstory.

My cousin is from California, but he goes to school here. His car got stolen, and the kid who took it drove it to San Diego. Everything is good with that now, but he was stuck here without a car, and had to be out of his dorms because the semester was over. My mom and I went to his dorm, got all of his stuff, and he stayed here for a few days until his mom came over to take him home. While he was here my sister and BIL came over, and we had tacos and margaritas. Good times. We ran out of ice, so my cousin, my sister, and I ran up to the store to get some. My sister stayed in the car. The girl who rang us up was a girl I knew from a distance, but I've never been friends with. We didn't really talk or anything, I didn't even know if she recognized me. This all sounds normal, right? How can this even go wrong?

Well today, she added Steve on Facebook. I had left a comment on his current status. Now, my picture is of me and Steve, so maybe that is what made her think of me? I don't know. Here's the conversation-

Girl from Store: hope u two arent still dating?


Steve: yep we sure are. is that ok with you? lol

Girl from Store: she came into my work with some dude. happy bday ha
 
 
Seriously? Let's go through this.
 
1. I might have male friends or family members. Steve is ok with it. I promise. And I might go out in public with them. UNSUPERVISED EVEN!
2. It is none of your business what goes on between us. We don't like you.
3. This is not a conversation to be had on a Facebook wall. Seriously.
4. If I WERE cheating and you had VALID REASON to believe that,  you don't tell someone on their birthday.
 
 
This isn't the first time we've had someone butt into our relationship.
 
Awhile back, Steve and I were at a really tough time in our relationship. A guy I talk to occasionally message me and said "So, I heard Steve did/said _______." I told him I knew that, but how did HE? He has never been friends with Steve.
 
This guy found out because he was reading all of his ex girlfriend's myspace messages, and Steve had talked to her about it. Wow, really? You're concerned about my relationship, when Steve and I are honest with each other, and you're going behind this poor girl's back to snoop on her?
 
 
And yet another example of the "girls and guys can't be friends" crap.
 
Steve has a cousin Arrick. He's the one who just went into the Navy and got married. He would hang out with me and Steve when they were both still here, and after Steve left I still hung out with him. Sometimes with his girlfriend, sometimes not because she was working. Well if she ever mentioned to her coworkers that we were hanging out, or we ever went into her work to say hi, her coworkers would freak out asking why that was ok with her, why we were hanging out etc.
 
They didn't shut up until she started referring to me as his cousin's wife. Are you people serious? It is obvious to everyone that Arrick is crazy about her. Aside from that, he's my boyfriend's cousin, that's low. Oh, and why would we go see her if there was anything going on?
 
Oh yeah, and it's none of your damn business.

I will not be a blogger failure.

I need to blog. I have lots going on. The amazing thing about having a life is that you don't have time to blog about it! I guess that's a good thing. No, it is a good thing.


Things are feeling better. They still blow, but I'm dealing better. I am like... bipolar about my feelings towards the Air Force. One day it makes me miserable as hell, the next I'm alright with it. Oh goodness.


Here's the basics- I'm in a salon now. I'm working on getting things going. I think it will be good. :D

The key to everything

This key. Oh my.


This is the key to the salon I work at. Yeah. I work in a salon. WOOOOOOOO.

I figured out my problem. I’m always waiting for what I want. Always. First I was waiting to graduate high school, so I could go to beauty school. Then my parents said I had to get a degree before they would pay for it. Luckily, that only lasted a semester. Then I waited to finish school.






Oh, and it happens with Steve too. I waited for him to finish boot camp and tech school. Then we had to wait for a new class for tech school, so he was there a month longer. Then there was the constant waiting until the next time we saw each other. Then, we were waiting for me to graduate so I could move up there.



That’s about where we are now. And still waiting. Oh, I forgot to share the good news. I got a job. Yeah, I called this lady about a job, one of my clients get her nails done there, and she recommended me. I went in, expecting an interview. Basically she just told me about the salon and how everything works. I had the job just like that. It’s a booth rental, so I just pay her rent every week, and basically run my own business out of her salon.



Awesome, right? Yeah I thought so too. Except I have no money to get started with. I need rent money, I need my own products, I need color. It really isn’t a lot. But I have NOTHING.



So what, I finally finish cosmo school, and I go work at a restaurant or department store, just so I can afford the job I want?



I just don’t know where to go from here. I thought about getting a small loan, but I have no income, no credit, nothing. My parents won’t cosign, Steve thinks I’m crazy for getting a loan. I don’t know what to do. I guess I have to get a job, but I don’t want to. I know that might sound stupid, but I feel like I’m at my breaking point right now. I don’t know how much longer I can keep waiting.

It doesn’t help that I’m constantly waiting on my relationship with Steve. And I will be for as long as he is in the military. Nothing ever is just easy. Boot camp was basically the last thing that went like it was supposed to. Tech school was a month longer than it was supposed to be. Then he got stationed in the shittiest place ever. I don’t WANT to move to North Dakota. I can deal with it though, but it’s just another thing under the negatives. Man, I can’t believe how bad it was when I had to wait 3 months to see him. Here I am, almost 8 months out.



So now Steve is going on a TDY. Far, far away until October. That will be more than a year of us not seeing each other. I feel bad complaining about it, because he’s not deployed. I don’t have to deal with being terrified for his safety. That’s a big part of it though. Bear with me before you let that bother you.



Steve isn’t in a warzone. He’s not stuck across the ocean. Well, now he’s going to be, but he hasn’t been for the last 6 months. He’s been 1600 miles away. That's it. Easy flying distance. I just don’t understand how we just haven’t figured out a way to see each other for this long. It’s like, of course he has to go away now. Because we weren’t using the time we had.

Alright, so I’ll get through the next five months. I have no idea how the hell I’m going to do it, but I will. I don’t have any other choice. I love him so much, I’ll always wait.

So guess what happens after that! He’ll be back in ND for a few months, and then he’s off to Korea for a year. Really? Come on.

Yeah, so I got it all out.







Oh, let me add. Steve thinks that once I start working, it will be easier for me and I won’t miss him as much. Yeah right. Thanks babe, but no, that’s not how it works. I wish I could compartmentalize like you.

Holding Back.

I've been avoiding writing a real post, and I'm still not going to. I'm keeping my feelings in right now because I don't even know where to start. I have to start figuring out how to deal with them first.

I am hurt, angry, and sad. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough.

I don't talk to anyone about it because no one here knows what it is like. They all act like it's so easy and I need to just get on with life. Like this isn't something that I have to deal with daily. The most they've had to be away from the people they love is a month or so.

A big part of why I blog is because it's a way of communicating with people that are doing the same thing as me. Sometimes that isn't enough though.

Really, the only thing that will make me feel better right now is seeing Steve. And they won't happen until October. That's more than a year without seeing him, and it isn't even like he's deployed. It's called being really freaking poor.

I've been off my medicine since about last October, and I like it. I feel everything. I've been ok with feeling the bad things too, and the anxiety. But now I want to be on it again. It sort of helps dull things. Oh wait, that would require having money. Hmmm..



So much for not tlaking about things. Really, though, it's just the tip of the iceburg. But it helps to write. I just can't let it all out at once, because then I have to think about it.

I need your help!

Ok, so I'll have to do the explaining part later, but tell me what you guys pay for your hair! Cuts, color, anything you get done in a salon. And tell me what you think about that price!


Thanks so much!

I hate everything.

I didn't get to go see Steve. He set up a transfer from a savings account, and it took forever to go through. They FINALLY told him Friday that they couldn't for some reason. Idk. I try not to pay attention to things that piss me off.


So he leaves in a few weeks for a TDY. He'll be gone until October. I haven't seen him since last September. Oh and then a few months after he gets back he'll be gone for a year.


I hate everything about my life right now.