Gross.

I had a good post I wanted to write. Instead I'm suffereing the worst headache I can remember.


This is how dependant I am on caffeine. I need coffee. And we were out all day. I had the most terrible headache all freaking day.


I also learned that you can puke so hard carrots come out your nose. And then your nose smells like puke.


Caitlin out.

Waiting.

So things are happening. I'm not sure what it's going to be yet though. Basically, military relationships are really, really hard. They take a lot of work, and sometimes things fall apart a little.

I have not seen the love of my life in over 7 months.

I understand that a lot of people go through this with deployments, and I'm not down playing anyones experience. This is about me, and I'm sorry if I make anyone feel like what you went through was less. I've never been through a deployment before, I have no idea what it is like. But this is what I HAVE been through.

I fell super duper ridiculously in love with a guy when I was 16.
The love of my life decided to go be a super hero in the Air Force.
I didn't see him for two months, and I felt like it was the worst thing.
I got to see him for four awesome days.
Then I got to go another three months without seeing him.
And then another four months.
And now seven months.

I'm not married to him, so it isn't as easy for us to be together. First I waited for almost 5 months to find out where he would be stationed. Then we decided I needed to go to school here, we couldn't afford for me to do it there, I couldn't work and go to school full time. So I started school here and was stuck for a year. Now that I'm done with school, he'll be on a TDY for at least 5 months. So much of our relationship has been waiting.

There are things that have happend that I don't ever want to talk about again, to anyone. There have been some really hard times. Sometimes Steve tells me that he doesn't understand how this is worth it to me, with him away so much. I don't see how he can question that. I love him more than anything

It is so worth it.

Mr. & Mrs.

Today was such a happy day. Steve's cousin Arrick went into the Navy in December, and this week he came home and married his fiancee. Since they started dating, and especially since he's been gone I've really become friends with Mandi. They wanted the smallest thing possible, which ended up being them, my mom and I, plus the Justice of Peace. They're having a big traditional wedding later, so she wanted this one to be small, so that one is special. I can't imagine getting married without my family, but it totally worked for them. It was fitting. Anyhoozle, here's some picture. I had fun photoshopping some, so ignore those if you feel you must.

I'll have to just document the worst part, which ended up not being too horrible. The other person they asked to be a witness was Mandi's boss. Yeah, he didn't show up, which is why I frantically called my mom hoping she was still close. Yeah... there's always something that gets messed up.

Changes

I've hit pretty damn low in my depression. I wouldn't say rock bottom, but I'm well on my way.

There's a lot of changed that are going to have to happen in my life. Things I do, things other people do, I just need to do what it takes to take care of me. It's hard for me to do, but I really need to put myself first sometimes.

I'm still organising my thoughts, so this isn't going to have too much detail, but I'm sure I'll have quite a few venting posts in the next few days. I've been ignoring my blog, because there are just some things I need to talk about, but that would take admitting them to myself. So... here's my start.

On pause

I feel bad for not posting. It make me feel good. But right now, I'm a little jumbled, and I can't focus on anything, let alone blogging. Maybe in a day or two I can vent on here.

If I had more room, I would shop more.

Awhile ago I mentioned that I had some vintage posters/pictures in my room and said I'd post pictures of them. Well, I took the pictures in February, but I'm finally showing them to you! And I might be odd, but I love my gray walls.

The drawings are done by my aunt. She has an etsy shop with all of her cute stuff!

Her originals are done on pieces of wood, like the ones in the middle. The two on the sides are prints of the originals. The picture in the middle is one of those old fashioned pictures, where they dress you up and all that.

The James Dean pictures above my window are from my calendar a few years ago. I don't like that they are unframed, so I'll probably retire these when I move out. If you look closely, the one on the far left is missing the lower corner, because my bird ate it. Oy.

I got these prints from a local store. I have the Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima picture and Johnny Cash. I have one of the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, but I ran out of wallspace.

Here's my big wall. The siz frames in the middle have ads from vintage magazines. I got these from my aunts who used to sell vintages goodies. The James Dean poster I got from my brother for my birthday. I had a closer picture, but my camera ate it.

Closer pictures of these. Steve's BMT picture, James Dean postcards, The dress thing is a handmade card I found... somewhere downtown. the dress, shoes, and purse are all folded paper.

The PMS sign is a metal sign my mom bought me. Then of course my James Dean calendar and the tassle from graduation.

I love this sign, even if my name is spelled wrong. My mom found this at Michael's.

The picture on the top I found for a few dollars at Michael's. The mirrow was from my brother's baby room, my mom painted it with a metallic finish. The bottom part is messed up because again, my bird ate it. This is why I moved everything away from her cage.

This is my favorite. I got it at Michaels, and the frame at Wal Mart.

Top shelf: A bunch of hats, both mine and Steve's. The thing in the middle is a cupcake stand, you can see the bottom of it, because it's on its side. the next shelf down had books from my childhood (the rest are in boxes until I move), beauty pictures, pictures, and a plate I painted. Next row is my books, and I wish you could see my awesome frog bookends. Bottom shelf, various trinkets, pictures, and some more books.

If you look on the far left you can see a tiny peek of my frog collection that I'm pretending I don't have. I'm a big girl, really. And the other bed is rocking camo.

I don't have a picture of the whole room, but I've done what I can with the small space I have. By the way, the beds, shelves, and cabinets were built by my grandpa.

A bit of a problem.

I have a problem. I'm an internet junkie.

I use Blogger, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Livejournal, youtube, 3 hotmail accounts, and I use Google reader for the non-blogger blogs I follow.


Jeez.