I need to pretend to be normal.

I feel like all of my posts from now on should have this giant blinking glittery disclaimer saying ~*`MY HUSBAND IS DEAD`*~ or something. Maybe someone will make one. Ok, I guess that isn't really funny, but hey, whatever gets me through it.

So in this post, I'm going to pretend to be normal. Well, normal for me. I'm going to write about the last time I saw Steve. I won't be doing things in order, I would usually write about him coming home first, and what we did, and how much it sucked that I worked, and then our wedding, and all of that. But now I get to pull the grieving widow card and do whatever the hell I want.

Another disclaimer: the bluntness, and finding humor in not funny things is really the only thing that is helping, so don't think I'm insensitive.



Ok here goes. Steve left to fly back to Minot on Dec 18th. We just bought a car on Thursday, and I was still learning to drive a manual, so we asked his dad to take us to the airport. I was pissed off at the time, but now I'm thankful for that. We had a nice morning, and went and said goodbye to everyone. After a bit of a cuddle fest at home, his dad came and we left. Steve brought a bunch of candy and about 5 Arizona iced teas. I don't know why he needed that many, since he only drank one.

We got to Phoenix pretty early, so we went to Chipotle, which none of us had been to. I took a ton of pictures with Steve, just goofing around with my phone's settings. I even got a rad night vision version of him. :P

Once we got to the airport, we hung around by the security gate for a bit. I started crying a little bit and he teased me for it. He said, "It's ok, it's only a month until I'll see you again." He is the best at making things ok. He said goodbye to his dad and stem-mom, and they waited for me by the exit. We kissed, we hugged, said our I love you's and goodbyes, and he walked off to the security. As I was leaving he called me name and said he forgot something. He came back over to me and kissed me again and said he loved me.

It was the perfect goodbye.


And now the normal is over and I'm so sick of being around people. They bitch and complain about the stupidest things. If my brother complains about not being taken to his friends house again, I'm going to lose it. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to be awake.