I am heart broken. I feel like I have lost him twice. This whole thing is a shitstorm.
Before Steve and I were married, Steve had assigned his brother as his beneficiary/PAD. As we weren't married long, and it isn't something you typically think about, Steve never changed it. After we heard about his death, Scott signed his PAD rights over to me, giving me the ability to make choices about the funeral. I can't explain the way it feels to be able to honor a persons life.
Due to disagreements on how/where Steve would be laid to rest, his family talked Scott into removing those rights from me. I can't believe that is even something he could reverse.
No one told me. I got a call from the base in Minot informing me. No one had the balls to step up and tell me that they took my husband away from me. I have no say. His brother says that he will try to compromise between what everyone wants, but I'm not going to hold on to that.
I asked them if they really thought that Steve would have wanted that. I said that I'm the person that Steve chose to spend the rest of his life with. His dad said "No, he didn't, you were only married five days." I am so glad that Steve is not aware of what is happening. I am so thankful that he didn't hear those hurtful words. Yes, his parents and brother got 19 years with him. I wish I had that.
The thing that is holding me together is that I know without a doubt that Steve loved me more than anything in the world. I know what he would have wanted, and I will hold onto that. I will honor him in my own way, and they don't have to be part of it.
I shared an amazing love with an amazing man, and no one can take that from me. That is what gets me through the day.
Oh no! I can't believe they did that! Or that that is even possible! I mean, WHY would they do something like that? I am so so sorry that they did this to you sweetie.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL had something very similar happen to her with her husband and his family, I'll email you the story though, because it's kind of long.
Keep being strong! Steve DID choose to spend the rest of his life with you, that is what marriage is all about and even though it was short, he wouldn't have married you if that wasn't his intention. His father is just grieving and saying those hurtful things because his mind is not in the right place.
You are in my thoughts and prayers always. I'm always here to talk if you need to. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure of your entire situation, as in how long you two were together before marriage, how well you may know your husbands bosses,etc. But if you know anyone of authority that he worked with I would ask them for help and also go to the legal office on base and seek advice from them. There has to be someone that can provide some sort of assistance to you. I hate to see you go through this! My thoughts and prayers are with you! <3
ReplyDeletehow ugly of Steve's dad to say that! You are right, he DID choose you to spend the rest of his life with...and even if that was only 5 days, you'd been together long before that.
ReplyDeleteI hope that it's resolved...or resolving. I'm so sorry to hear about this...no one should lose the love of their life so soon after marrying.