Today, I came home from school and started cleaning, and almost lost it. Over the last six months I've been trying to organize all of my stuff and Steve's stuff, and make room for both. Honestly, I would probably be ok getting rid of all of my stuff and just keeping his. I really like having it around. I have pictures everywhere, of course. Then I have his watch and wedding ring on my nightstand. The closet is full of his stuff.
Anyway, as I was cleaning, I got this overwhelming feeling about my house burning down. I know that is incredibly random, but I couldn't shake it. I was on the verge of having a panic attack. I don't know where it came from. Suddenly, I was freaking out that I was going to lose all of Steve's stuff. Yeah, it's just stuff, but it's more than that to me. That's all of I have left of him. Those are things he touched, things he used, things he looked at. Having his things makes me feel closer to him.
Sure, I could go with the paranoia and lock it all up in a giant fire-safe box or something. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to enjoy those things every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment