Slacker

Big fat slacker! That's me. Apparently going to school full time and have the brain power to write about my life is tough work. I really want to try to get back into it again. I know I say that all the time, but I need something to do, something to commit to. Sadly though, I'm internetless right now and my only computer is a desktop, so I can't do a full update post with pictures. Here's a few things that I'll want to write about what I can though-

-I'm moving. Ugh. And yay. I can't decide which. In two days! Oh boy. My house is packed except for a stack of VHS's in a closet that I can't make myself get rid of, my bathroom, which for some reason I am super resistant about cleaning, and my wrapping paper. I'm pretty impressed with myself. I'm really trying not to stress out too much. I have plenty of time in both houses to get everything done. Oh, and I'm moving about 5 miles or so. Not really a high pressure, high stress move.

-My family (minus my sister and BIL) went to the Grand Canyon yesterday. It was fun, relaxed, and a good break from packing and cleaning. Oh, and of course I didn't wear the best shoes. It was pretty funny, my dad was as far from the edge as he could be, because he's not the biggest fan of heights. Well, of course his clone aka my brother was too. It cracked me up every time my mom and I would go towards the edge to get pictures and they would freak out.

-School, school, school, holy crap school. Right now it is coming to the end of spring break, which is probably the only reason that I can move without having a heart attack. The only crappy part is that the actual moving is going to be during a school week.


I'll have internet again on Thursday (let's hope), so get ready for pictures!

I'm back

I've been gone for quite some time. I didn't really forget about my blog, I just wasn't sure what to put here. Obviously, I skipped over our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of Steve's death. I'm still not quite there yet. I think I'll just skip over December. It was... difficult. I'll talk about it sometime, but I'm easing myself back into blogging. I do want to do it soon though, at least just so I have it written down for myself.

On a happier note, I got to go up to ND again to visit everyone. It was a pretty fun trip, and it was nice to get away from everything. Oh, by the way, my store closed, so the day before I went to ND was my last day of work.

I went up for New Years, and amazingly, there wasn't snow on the ground up there. I told Sabs that it would snow when I was there, and what do you know, it started snowing as I got off the plane. No, really.

Here's the awesome 70+ degree weather I left:

And here's what I went to: 

I have more pictures, but they include drunkenness of many people, and that's just trouble!

Paranoid

Today, I came home from school and started cleaning, and almost lost it. Over the last six months I've been trying to organize all of my stuff and Steve's stuff, and make room for both. Honestly, I would probably be ok getting rid of all of my stuff and just keeping his. I really like having it around. I have pictures everywhere, of course. Then I have his watch and wedding ring on my nightstand. The closet is full of his stuff.

Anyway, as I was cleaning, I got this overwhelming feeling about my house burning down. I know that is incredibly random, but I couldn't shake it. I was on the verge of having a panic attack. I don't know where it came from. Suddenly, I was freaking out that I was going to lose all of Steve's stuff. Yeah, it's just stuff, but it's more than that to me. That's all of I have left of him. Those are things he touched, things he used, things he looked at. Having his things makes me feel closer to him.

Sure, I could go with the paranoia and lock it all up in a giant fire-safe box or something. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to enjoy those things every day.

Something needs to change

Something needs to change on my blog. First of all, I need to write more. But right now I'm talking about how it looks. How can I be Cosmetology and Combat Boots now? Sure, I'm still doing hair, but I'm going to school for nursing. I think the Combat Boots part is still relevant, I don't know. I just need to change something. I need it to look different. I need everything different. I'm different.


I don't even know the point of this post, but there you go.

Half

Plato's Symposium said that there was once man, woman, and a combo. The combo was a person with four arms, four legs, and two faces. Zues was jealous of the power that human's had, so he split the combo. These people were left always looking for their other half, for their true love. It was what they needed to be complete.


I miss my half. I miss being whole.

"The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, having a name corresponding to this double nature, which had once a real existence, but is now lost, and the word ‘Androgynous’ is only preserved as a term of reproach. In the second place, the primeval man was round, his back and sides forming a circle; and he had four hands and four feet, one head with two faces, looking opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men now do, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace, turning on his four hands and four feet, eight in all, like tumblers going over and over with their legs in the air; this was when he wanted to run fast. Now the sexes were three, and such as I have described them; because the sun, moon, and earth are three; and the man was originally the child of the sun, the woman of the earth, and the man-woman of the moon, which is made up of sun and earth, and they were all round and moved round and round like their parents. "


"When they reach manhood they are lovers of youth, and are not naturally inclined to marry or beget children,— if at all, they do so only in obedience to the law; but they are satisfied if they may be allowed to live with one another unwedded; and such a nature is prone to love and ready to return love, always embracing that which is akin to him. And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover’s intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment."

He's everywhere.

Today was my first day back to school. My first day back to school after three years. My first day back to school after decided I want to do something new. You would think that I would be excited about being in school. Which, I am. I was.

The weird thing is though is that today was one of the days where I remember that Steve is everywhere here. I forgot about the last time I was in school. He worked in the bookstore, and I would visit him between classes. We would have lunch together. I would ditch class and he would skip work and we'd watch movies and cuddle and eat pizza all day. That was our last time together before he left for boot camp. He left two days before the semester ended.

That is what I thought of the whole time I was at school. I miss my husband.

Mini vacay

Since I'm starting school, I will be either working or in school every single day of the week. Yeah, I might be crazy. Because of this, my mom and I decided to take a trip down to where my sister lives to do some shopping. We went down on Tuesday, hit TJ Maxx (why don't we have one of those?!), and Chipotle (Oh my gosh so good! We ARE getting one of those soon!). Then we went further into the city towards my sister's and more shopping. We wen to a Home Goods, a Goodwill (they're supposed to be better down there. Not really though). After we got to my sisters house we had dinner, watch some movies, and just relaxed.

The next day we got bagels, I got a huge pile of clothes from Target (theirs is bigger) waited for my sister to get out of work, had lunch, then WENT TO IKEA. I have always liked Ikea stuff, and just got my bed from there, but you can't get a lot of stuff online. I really liked it, but was having a weird day, so I felt pretty panicky the whole time and probably didn't get the whole experience. Anyway, it was fun, I spent way too much money, but it was good. I'll finally have my room finished soon! Well once I finish painting my furniture. And I mean my dad painting my furniture.

Lunch at Ra

My sister's new kitten Miso

Her pup Koji

And Honzo!